By Michael Tsuei, August 08, 2019 — Life is uncomfortable and the more discomfort you can take, the more you can live on. Perhaps our negativity reflects a desire for something that is genuinely absent from our life a desire to feel “whole.” All of us in our early years [have] heard on a major or minor occasion that we are “inadequate.”
… I make a major move in my life in a grand effort to construct my adult identity in the aftermath [of the] opportunity to look at the fact that there’s no amount of fixing the outside that makes the inside feel ok.
I still remember at my early years while I had served at U.S.M.C. I had a chance to attend the military police academy. At that time the computer had not even come in our life since we are supposedly be training as telecommunications officers. So we had to learn the Morse code and electronical course. At that time with the oversea communication with telephone or telegram. The teletype electronical equipment is most advised of the world, but I had a very different time to learn the Morse code. At the middle of 18 weeks’ studies, I had almost dropped out from the class. I just can’t learn the Morse code at all but when I spoke to my instructor and officer in charge of the class. He said to me, “You have lots [of] potential. You just don’t know how to discover [it].” Since he was a silver medal winner for the U.S.A. swimming team at the year ahead, I imitated him and took in every word he had said to me. He was right. The perfection of all things I had come to appreciate through my incredibly intricate and unexpected process of dissolution and rebuilding. I graduated [from the] course with the honor of 3rd best score out of 120 students.
I wanted to feel so I knew I had to rein in my mind or a part of that effort I had committed to not complaining a lot. I am trying to make it happen. Still it’s all of the ways I was experiencing myself or being victimized by people’s circumstances and life in committing to not complain for once.
You won’t find constructive fear when you are agitated and upset. The modern culture had conveniently diminished many of the survival heart. It had replaced them with chronic anxiety.