By José Dominguez, December 3, 2020 — Well, some of my education came from my parents, another part from experience, some thanks to my formal education, but also there’s a cultural common sense education transmitted to me from generation to generation. This is called dichos or sayings — in Mexico, we learn those dichos mostly in our family habitat and later we master them in all the rest of our social interactions. [It’s] nothing new. I bet that in America you have a lot of national aphorisms like “spill the beans” or “piece of cake” or “no pain no gain,” etc.
As a secondary student living with my Aunt Julia, I discovered she was a champion using those dichos. When some discussion had to be defined and solved, she always had the Mexican common sense proverb to finish it and she left us with our mouths open. We didn’t find the way to reply, well … almost. She used those popular Mexican sayings like a gypsy future teller who is reading the cards to a customer and always has the right card for the right moment; or like a Christian bible expert who always has the proper verse to shut our mouths.
In this essay I’m going to speak not about my aunt’s super skill to win and end discussions, but about one of her victims … I’m speaking of Martha, my aunt’s daughter, my cousin. I can say she was not a beauty in her twenties, but also can say that to have or not to have a nice face is not our final destiny, if you manage to accept yourself and be authentic as a human being. Now, at my senior age, I can understand that 100%; well, maybe 90%. But in those days of my underdeveloped social behavior, I thought Martha needed the real help of God to get a boyfriend. Nevertheless, it was not my problem, simply because I had my own teenager growth issues to solve. One day at the dinner table she was not very happy and was complaining of her bad luck to get along with boys of her own age (meaning that she was struggling to have a boyfriend). I can say she was really pissed off. My aunt, not having arguments to present, or perhaps wanting to end the dispute with a single blow, told her, “Martha, the popular wisdom is very clear as the dicho says, ‘no hay mal que por bien no venga.’” (The literal English translation of this maxim is: there is no bad thing that doesn’t come by way of a good thing). The most common English equivalent aphorism is: “Every cloud has a silver lining,” or “It could be a blessing in disguise.” And that was the straw that broke the camel’s back!
Martha was really angry with the assertion and said: “I’m tired to hear that kind of crap, so don’t treat me like [I’m] stupid! You want me to accept that affirmation just because, but it’s only a popular saying with no meaning for me. You are telling me that I have to be grateful if I don’t have a boyfriend because it’s for my own convenience! …. alas! that’s what you are saying, Mom. Well, I don’t accept that. If you want to tell me something, use your own words, not that silly popular common sense foolishness that I hate.” My aunt was astonished about the response and knew very wisely that it was not the proper moment to explain the positive meaning of the saying that it really has, or to recognize exceptions or quickly use another more appropriate aphorism. Now I know that in reality, my aunt missed the opportunity to say, “I’m sorry” and later explain with her own words the positive interpretations of her words. But she had her own character. Obviously, her saying was more or less like the one of the glass of water half empty or half full; meaning that in order to be applied properly, you have to see the issue positively. But if the person that is going to interpret is annoyed, that kind of dicho is going to “pour gasoline on the fire” and so it did.
To finish my essay I can tell you that in order not to disturb my good relations with my new American friends I will try to use the proper words to the best of my knowledge applying the Mexican dicho: “A la tierra que fueres, haz lo que vieres” that in English means, “When in Rome…do as the Romans do.”
In conclusion, when using sayings in any language one must be careful. We must be sure to understand the conditions in which we are going to use it, secondly, we must be sure that we are not hurting the feelings of the person to whom we orient the aphorism…